my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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