I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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