you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
