We're facebook friends in real life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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