she was so not down for the gang bang
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
