I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
