walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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