I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
where are you?
Hypothermia
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you never un-have a 4some
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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