it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
