Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
