chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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