i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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