That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
