i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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