Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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