i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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