Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
