I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
