I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
