I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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