this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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