new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize