Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
