I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
