Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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