The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
