Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize