I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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