I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
