Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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