is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
