..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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