You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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