it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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