She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
