I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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