Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
