we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
