I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
