Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize