so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize