How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
