I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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