Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize