Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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