I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
