So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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