sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
