does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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