honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My hand turned me down
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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