I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
