I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
