Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
whose parrot is this?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
