Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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