Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
