Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
