i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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