If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
