it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
