just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize