In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
