Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
