I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
