I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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