if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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