I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He felt like a one man threesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
