i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
