I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
