Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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