Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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