Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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