can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
