Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize