I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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