Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
