i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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