I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
