I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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