Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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