i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
