How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize