Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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