So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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