i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
