wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
